With apologies to Paul Harvey

Here’s the rest of the story of that dirty whore, my abdomen:

Wednesday afternoon, I started having some discomfort in the right side of my abdomen. I didn’t think much of it at first – perhaps I’d pulled a muscle somehow – because, well… aches and pains happen, right?

But I woke up yesterday morning, and the pain was still there. Just not in exactly the same place where it was: yesterday morning, it was a more generalized pain throughout the right side of my abdomen, with an occasional stabby pain in the spot where it had all started the night before.

By lunch time yesterday, it wasn’t discomfort any more: it was pain. With some vague nausea thrown in for good measure. And given that the last time I was wrong (I thought it wasn’t a big thing but it was), I ended up in the ICU overnight, in the hospital for five days, and out of work for a month (pneumonia kicked my ass in ’07), I figured it was better to err on the side of caution than on the side of dead.

This presented another challenge in this modern era of managed care: Other than my gynecologist, I don’t have a primary care physician. I don’t get sick often enough to merit that (she said, knocking on wood). And I was reasonably sure that this was not a girly problem. So I found a local doctor, who actually was able to see me yesterday, and had a 2:00 PM appointment, where I had the joy of peeing in a cup, the additional joy of having my belly pressed and poked and prodded, and the even greater joy of being bled having blood drawn.

Evidently, my urine had a high white cell count and a trace of blood (and it must’ve been just a trace, because it certainly wasn’t visible to the naked eye), so it appears I have a UTI. However, the UTI doesn’t explain the sharp, stabby pain in my abdomen. Which is how I ended up at the hospital for a CT scan.

After the Scan Which Showed Nothing, I spoke to the doctor, who suggested I fill my antibiotic prescription, and stay on nothing but clear fluids for two days, to give my gut a chance to “rest” in case something I’ve eaten is somehow pissing off my intestines. And exercise is out of the question for now, because I can’t move without wincing.

So I stopped at the grocery store on my way home, and picked up a variety of soups (chicken broth, tomato basil, and butternut squash). Yes, I’m aware they aren’t clear, but fuck it, Hot Mother can’t live on chicken broth alone. I also picked up a case of regular 7-Up, because if I can’t eat solid food, I’m at least going to have beverages that don’t have an aftertaste. Of course, I may regret this decision later, but for now, I don’t care.

And that’s the full scoop. I’m still alive, and apparently have nothing of interest going on in my belly. Except for pain, of course. :-)

And for the record: this morning, I weighed in at 218.6. I know the official weigh-in is tomorrow, but I wanted credit for where I’ve gotten before this enforced fast starts. :-)

Have a Fabulous Friday!

Where’s Miss Marple when I need her?

CT scan showed absolutely no reason for the sharp stabby pain in my midsection.

Am at pharmacy picking up antibiotics for the apparent UTI. Am supposed to be on clear fluids only for two days.

Yecch.

And the gods laughed

Bad news: am at hospital for CT scan. May have appendicitis. Good news: weighed in at doc’s office fully clothed at 220 even.

I’ll take the good news wherever I can.

Wow. Just… wow.

First: life has been chaotic lately. It’s not you, it’s me. I miss you guys like crazy, and don’t mean to ignore you. Between personal issues (pre-teens? are NOT fun!) and my 9-to-5 (which, 50 hours a week really should be enough frickin’ time, and it would be if I weren’t the only person trying to do the work that used to be done by six people), there’s been no time for me.

And yes, that means what you know damn well it means: I haven’t been eating well, and I haven’t been exercising regularly, and yes – I gained a pound. Of course, I still haven’t gotten my period (damn hormones!), so who knows if it’s actually fat or water. No matter, I haven’t done a great job taking care of myself.

But that’s not why I’m here. I had to wade into the waters of the Kevin Smith vs. Southwest debate.

I’ve flown Southwest almost exclusively for years now, and I’ve never had a problem. No, I’ve never had to purchase a second seat, so that’s a humiliation I haven’t experienced. And I’ve never had strangers make comments about the mass of my ass to my face, or within earshot. My weight has never gotten in the way of my love life, or my career. It hasn’t stopped me from doing anything I want to do, save being more active.  So I’ve been pretty lucky.

And in theory, I have no problem with Southwest’s policy: if you can’t fit into a single seat, you have to buy two. And I’m fine with Southwest using the armrest as the definitive measure: if you can put the armrests down, you’re cool.

So it seems to me that pulling someone off a plane, after he’d already been seated (with the armrests down and the seatbelt buckled) is just… random. Odd. And to say that it’s a safety issue? I call bullshit. Any person who can’t move quickly in the event of an emergency is just as much a safety consideration as a fat person who can’t move quickly. Are we going to start preventing the elderly from flying? How about people with broken legs? People in wheelchairs? Unaccompanied minors? Who gets to decide which passengers pose a possible safety issue?

If you go and read the comments on the Southwest blog, you’ll see a mixture of three sentiments:

  • I’m fat, and Southwest sucks, and I’ll never fly Southwest again. (And there were a lot of people expressing this sentiment.)
  • I’m not fat, but Southwest sucks and I’ll never fly Southwest again. (Quite a few more people saying this than I would’ve expected.)
  • I’m not fat, and I appreciate the policy, because flying next to a really large person? Uncomfortable. (This? perfectly reasonable. Although to be fair, it’s uncomfortable to fly for nearly everyone. Even though I’m only 5’1″, there’s not enough leg room.)
  • Fatties are gross/lazy/smelly, so thanks for not letting them fly next to me. (Far too many of these for my comfort.)

The vitriol that some of these folks direct toward fat people is nothing short of appalling. But here’s the thing that really gets me: many of these losers end their little “I’m normal sized and I think fat people are gross” diatribes with something like, “Go to the gym and lose some weight, fattie. It’s about your health.”  (And yes, if you insult me merely on the basis of how I look – if you assume that I smell because I’m fat, or you assume that I’m lazy because I’m fat, or you assume that I’m unintelligent because I’m fat, then you are in fact a loser.)

Really? It’s about my health, is it, douchebag? So, when I see you talking on the cell phone, or brushing your hair, or putting on mascara while you’re driving, you won’t mind if I call the cops and report you, right? Because that’s about your health. And if I see you smoking, I can loudly mock you about how it’s your choice to smoke, and that you smell, and how you clearly have no self-control, right? Because that’s about your health. And when I see you feeding your kid junk food, I can call Child Protective Services – because it’s about your kid’s health. Right?

It saddens me that Southwest did a stupid thing, and then compounded it with an “apology” that’s nothing more than a backhanded insult. It saddens me that they have a policy to deal with folks who truly can’t fit into a single seat, but don’t follow it consistently. It saddens me on behalf of any non-celebrity who might experience this incredible humiliation and not be able to fight back with the full weight (pun intended) of thousands of internet followers to back them up.

But mostly, it saddens me that there are so many people who take pleasure in mocking others; that there are so many people who think they are better than we are, just because they’re thin; that there are so many people whose mothers would be ashamed of them for how they regard other human beings.

Thanks, Southwest, for the reminder that so many of us are nothing more than overgrown bullies, mocking the nerdy kids. And thanks for encouraging them.

Quickie

Our internet access crashed and burned at 7:15 this morning. Aside to Comcast: it’s not “routine” maintenance if you don’t bother to tell us about it in advance. Douchebags.

Once we were finally back up and running (five hours later), I had much work to catch up on for my paying gig. So, in honor of yet another snow day (because we got another dusting last night), I leave you with this haiku:

Work, interrupted
Why must Sonny talk so much?
Please, God – no more snow.

Snow day. AGAIN.

::sigh:: Remember the Terrible, Awful, Horrible, Very Bad winter storm we had last month? The one that kept Sonny’s school closed on Friday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday?

Well, we got another 2″ or so last night. And so of course school is closed. Again. Can I tell you how much joy it is that Sonny can stay home with me whilst I attempt to work? Fabulous. Really.

Moving on…

The ever-so-cool Cammy from The Tippy Toe Diet asked if I would post my Turkey Chili Recipe, and I’m happy to oblige. Keep in mind, I didn’t think much about this, so I’m quite sure I could’ve made it healthier. But hey – omitting beef in favor of turkey is a big enough step, if you ask me! Also, keep in mind I don’t measure anything when I cook (I do when I bake, but that’s a completely different thing), so measurements are iffy at best.

Hot Mother’s Hot Turkey Chili

Ingredients

  • 1.25 lbs Ground Turkey Breast (this is important – the turkey breast is a lot less fatty than regular old ground turkey; it’s also more expensive, but you can’t put a price on good health)
  • 2 or 3 cans of Chili Beans (this is a cheat: I don’t have to season as much if I use beans that are already spiced)
  • Garlic (chopped however you like – I like big chunks of garlic, but ymmv)
  • Onion (chopped howeve you like – I omit the onions, because they don’t like me any more)
  • Reduced fat cheddar cheese
  • Cooking spray of your choice
  • 1 can stewed tomatoes
  • 1 square German’s unsweetened chocolate

Directions

  1. Spray a large pot or dutch oven with cooking spray.
  2. On Medium-High heat, brown the turkey, garlic, and onions
  3. Dump in the chili beans (for the love of God, DON’T drain the beans. All the flavor is in the sauce!)
  4. Dump in the stewed tomatoes (if they’re sliced, just leave ‘em that way; they’ll break up as they cook).
  5. Toss in whatever spices you like (coriander is popular, but I don’t care for it; I just use a lot of basil; and chili powder!)
  6. Put a lid on it, lower the heat until it’s barely simmering, and cook it for as many hours as you can stand.
  7. About 30 minutes before you want to eat, remove the lid and let the chili continue to simmer (this will thicken it nicely).
  8. Just before serving, take that 1 oz square of unsweetened chocolate, and stir it in until it’s completely melted and mixed throughout.
  9. Top each serving with a small sprinkling of reduced-fat cheddar.

Makes Six Servings

And that’s it. Easy, easy, easy.

No workout yesterday, because my knees (and oddly, my shins) were really sore; and I don’t want to screw myself up before my first session with the trainer tomorrow (yay!).

And… that’s about all I’ve got. Busy day working for The Man ahead, so I need to get my ass in gear and start earning my salary. Have a great day!

Super Weekend!

My weekend

Ah, it was bliss. It was heaven. It was expensive. But then, you can’t really put a price on sanity, now can you?

I didn’t post yesterday because I just didn’t wanna.

The remainder of my weekend was uneventful and pretty darned good. Sadly, I never did get around to napping at all, but I got plenty of reading done, made a big dent in the eBook I’m working on, worked out, and hit the grocery store on my way home.

Reading

Scott McClellan’s book is a snooze fest, y’all. It’s all, “I’m not perfect, but I never would have done [insert horrible thing Dubya or Cheney did]. That was just so wrong.” So much for an honest appraisal of what the hell went on from 2000 – 2008. Methinks I’ll need to pick up Bob Woodward’s book for that.

Working Out

In my infinite wisdom, on Saturday I decided to skip the treadmill in favor of the Precor exercise bike at the hotel (fortunately, not a recumbent bike at the last hotel I visited). I managed 7.3 miles in my 30 minutes, which I’ll take seeing as how I’m never comfortable with new equipment (heads out of the gutter, people – I was referring to exercise equipment). Yesterday, I did 7.5 miles. That’s the good news. The bad news is that my ass has grown accustomed to the seat on our exercise bike, and OW! My ass? It is sore.

Super Bowl

Did that game rock, or what? I had to root for New Orleans, because I am anti-Peyton on principle alone. Oh, I know he’s reportedly a nice guy and all, but the obsessive love that Tennesseans have for him (because he went to UT, doncha know) just drives me bonkers. Besides, the Saints were the underdog, and I love me some underdog.

Traditionally, I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. It’s not that I don’t like football – because I love football – but my team is never in it, so I usually just don’t care. And let’s face it: Super Bowl games are typically boring as hell. But I can honestly say that last night, the game was far better than any of the commercials (I thought most of the commercials kinda sucked, actually). At about the 4:00 mark of the fourth quarter, I turned to Hubby and said, “This is bad. If the Colts score to tie it, there’s not enough time for the Saints to score again, and it’ll go to overtime – and the Colts will win. The only chance they have is to intercept and score; then it won’t matter if the Colts manage to score a touchdown.” And 20 seconds later, that’s exactly what happened! Ah, great game.

Dinner

Because it was Super Bowl Sunday, I couldn’t have us eating steamed fish. Hot, spicy food is the order of the day in Hot Mother’s house for the Super Bowl. Of course, hot wings were out; ribs were out. Sadly, beer was out. :-( But I made a pot of turkey chili, and I’ll tell you what: if you didn’t know it was ground turkey breast instead of ground beef, you wouldn’t have known it. It was that good. Spicy, rich, filling… yum!

In Other News

My first session with my new trainer is Wednesday evening at 6:00 PM. I’m both looking forward to it and terrified, for reasons that should be obvious to anyone who’s been where I am.

With that, I’m off to the races. How was your weekend, and what do you have going on this week?