Wow. Just… wow.

First: life has been chaotic lately. It’s not you, it’s me. I miss you guys like crazy, and don’t mean to ignore you. Between personal issues (pre-teens? are NOT fun!) and my 9-to-5 (which, 50 hours a week really should be enough frickin’ time, and it would be if I weren’t the only person trying to do the work that used to be done by six people), there’s been no time for me.

And yes, that means what you know damn well it means: I haven’t been eating well, and I haven’t been exercising regularly, and yes – I gained a pound. Of course, I still haven’t gotten my period (damn hormones!), so who knows if it’s actually fat or water. No matter, I haven’t done a great job taking care of myself.

But that’s not why I’m here. I had to wade into the waters of the Kevin Smith vs. Southwest debate.

I’ve flown Southwest almost exclusively for years now, and I’ve never had a problem. No, I’ve never had to purchase a second seat, so that’s a humiliation I haven’t experienced. And I’ve never had strangers make comments about the mass of my ass to my face, or within earshot. My weight has never gotten in the way of my love life, or my career. It hasn’t stopped me from doing anything I want to do, save being more active.  So I’ve been pretty lucky.

And in theory, I have no problem with Southwest’s policy: if you can’t fit into a single seat, you have to buy two. And I’m fine with Southwest using the armrest as the definitive measure: if you can put the armrests down, you’re cool.

So it seems to me that pulling someone off a plane, after he’d already been seated (with the armrests down and the seatbelt buckled) is just… random. Odd. And to say that it’s a safety issue? I call bullshit. Any person who can’t move quickly in the event of an emergency is just as much a safety consideration as a fat person who can’t move quickly. Are we going to start preventing the elderly from flying? How about people with broken legs? People in wheelchairs? Unaccompanied minors? Who gets to decide which passengers pose a possible safety issue?

If you go and read the comments on the Southwest blog, you’ll see a mixture of three sentiments:

• I’m fat, and Southwest sucks, and I’ll never fly Southwest again. (And there were a lot of people expressing this sentiment.)
• I’m not fat, but Southwest sucks and I’ll never fly Southwest again. (Quite a few more people saying this than I would’ve expected.)
• I’m not fat, and I appreciate the policy, because flying next to a really large person? Uncomfortable. (This? perfectly reasonable. Although to be fair, it’s uncomfortable to fly for nearly everyone. Even though I’m only 5’1″, there’s not enough leg room.)
• Fatties are gross/lazy/smelly, so thanks for not letting them fly next to me. (Far too many of these for my comfort.)

The vitriol that some of these folks direct toward fat people is nothing short of appalling. But here’s the thing that really gets me: many of these losers end their little “I’m normal sized and I think fat people are gross” diatribes with something like, “Go to the gym and lose some weight, fattie. It’s about your health.”  (And yes, if you insult me merely on the basis of how I look – if you assume that I smell because I’m fat, or you assume that I’m lazy because I’m fat, or you assume that I’m unintelligent because I’m fat, then you are in fact a loser.)

Really? It’s about my health, is it, douchebag? So, when I see you talking on the cell phone, or brushing your hair, or putting on mascara while you’re driving, you won’t mind if I call the cops and report you, right? Because that’s about your health. And if I see you smoking, I can loudly mock you about how it’s your choice to smoke, and that you smell, and how you clearly have no self-control, right? Because that’s about your health. And when I see you feeding your kid junk food, I can call Child Protective Services – because it’s about your kid’s health. Right?

It saddens me that Southwest did a stupid thing, and then compounded it with an “apology” that’s nothing more than a backhanded insult. It saddens me that they have a policy to deal with folks who truly can’t fit into a single seat, but don’t follow it consistently. It saddens me on behalf of any non-celebrity who might experience this incredible humiliation and not be able to fight back with the full weight (pun intended) of thousands of internet followers to back them up.

But mostly, it saddens me that there are so many people who take pleasure in mocking others; that there are so many people who think they are better than we are, just because they’re thin; that there are so many people whose mothers would be ashamed of them for how they regard other human beings.

Thanks, Southwest, for the reminder that so many of us are nothing more than overgrown bullies, mocking the nerdy kids. And thanks for encouraging them.